2020 has left us no shortage of serious conversations to have with our families and friends this holiday season. While many of us are staying home for the holidays, if you promised your mom you’d at least stop by, we thought we would give you a new, funny take on ways to survive the holidays with your family.
The holiday season is officially in full swing which means you are going to have to encounter just about every member of your family over the next several weeks. ‘Tis the season for being interrogated with questions regarding your relationship status, being forced to share your room with numerous family members, and being exiled to the children’s table even though you are over the age of 21.
Drink the alcohol. ALL the alcohol.
Arguably the most important item to include in your family holiday survival kit is alcohol. Perfect for avoiding any and all family drama. Keep that bottle handy, keep grandma’s glass full, and let’s party. Everything is easier to tolerate when you’ve had a few...or a lot.
Invest in sound-proof earbuds.
Just point to your head and say “Sorry, I can’t hear you,” and run away. Listening to your music as loud as medical professionals say you can is a great method for tuning out the stories you have heard a million times or your uncle’s opinion on this year’s election. Plus, you won’t be able to hear how many times your mom has to tell your relatives that yes, you are STILL single.
Get your hands on ALL the caffeinated beverages.
After traveling all day, you can be on the borderline naughty list, but get an IV drip full of coffee and you are suddenly Santa’s little helper. Any beverage stronger than water is really the only thing getting you through the holidays.
Commit to (or attempt) a DIY project.
Block out the chaos and your mother’s constant need for your help with a project to keep your mind and sanity at ease. You don’t have to go “Buddy The Elf” and hand-cut paper snowflakes to cover the house or cause a power surge because you put too many lights on the house, but a simple painting might do the trick. Sometimes even just packing a puzzle in your family holiday survival kit can be enough to take your mind off the stress of the season.
Spend all your money online shopping.
Who goes to the mall anymore? Especially with COVID-19 numbers rising in a lot of places, online shopping is a foolproof way to avoid getting sick and all those weird kids from high school that you don’t talk to anymore. This also steers your attention away from your family and all of their dysfunction. As far as you are concerned, you don’t know these people, all you care about is that sweet serotonin boost for clicking, “purchase.”
When in doubt, fake it ‘til you make it.
Turn that frown upside down and keep it together! Your face might start to hurt but it can’t be any more painful than spending the holidays with your weird Uncle Larry. Your sense of optimism (or denial) can be an important tool to have handy in your family holiday survival kit.
Go somewhere else.
If you are seeing a significant other this holiday season, maybe you can con your way into their holiday plans. It might still be awkward, but at least you get to sit back and watch someone else’s family dysfunction unfold. If there’s no one else you can piggyback off of, it might be time to use some of your hard earned money to get a hotel room. Particularly a hotel room that has a jacuzzi tub.
Stuff yourself silly
It’s hard to complain with a belly full of mashed potatoes and stuffing. There’s really one day out of 365 that turkey sounds good, might as well take advantage of it and eat the whole bird yourself. You might even be able to eat yourself into a food coma and not wake up until it is time to go home.
With these tips, you might actually get through this holiday season. If you haven’t already, sign up for text messages from Civil Dispatch to get alerts about severe weather and delays in your area and no, these alerts cannot save you from your family unless there is a major snowstorm.